Category: wordplay

I’m taking Dyson to court because they lie when they advertised their products. I bought one and there’s still an old bag attached to it.

Apparently most girls prefer ribbed condoms but that’s just a rough estimation.

Roy walkers opinion on 7UP , ” Its good , but its not sprite “

There’s a lot to be said for being loquacious

A simile is like a metaphor.

I met an American in the pub last night who seemed to think he could work out people’s names by how they smell. He wasn’t very good at it though; my name is Paul but he said I smell like a John.

This afternoon I am going to recreate famous scenes from “Raiders of the Lost Ark”. Right, who wants to get the ball rolling?

My mate and I were sniffing cocaine off of a newspaper last night, and rather ironically the page we were snorting from was an editorial about the dangers casual drug use. I thought it was more than sheer coincidence, but I suppose you could say I was reading between the lines

A polite cannibal won’t leave the table until everyone’s eaten.

“Do you even know what simultaneous commentating means?” “I do, as it happens.”

I don’t like to cherry pick, but I want the thirteen year old Asian girl standing second from the left.

Ever since I filled up my Zippo I haven’t been able to lift it out of my pocket. I think I need some lighter fluid.

Sky news: bush fires destroy homes in western australia. Looks like they won’t have to wait 18 months for the ashes to return afterall.

I’ve forgotten more stuff than I care to remember.

My wife asked me to fix a plug for her this morning. I refused.