Category: wordplay

My son has been walking up and down the high street nicking all the shop fascias and hiding them in the shed. I should have noticed earlier really, The signs were all there.

Whats square and hairy? A pubic cube.

I got into an argument with a mathematician today. I told him to shut his Pi hole.

I know a girl by the name of Jenna Taylor, who refuses to communicate by email. I can’t understand why. She would get such friendly service from a Hotmail account everytime she logged on: “Good morning. You have mail Jenna Taylor”. Oh wait…

My wife, Lorraine, has just found out that I have been cheating on her with Clara next door. Last night, she packed her things and was off on her way. I can see Clara now, Lorraine has gone.

I’ve been working on a hair gel that can cure narcolepsy… 6 years, and still nothing….. I’m getting rather slick and tired.

I was on the phone when I tripped over some laundry and nearly fell down the stairs . Phew! That was a clothes call

My mate shoved a piece of paper with a dotted scissor line in my face. I said, “Cut it out.”

One day, everybody will be nice. In the mean time, we’ll just have to make do.

The entire cast of my local theatre company have dyed their hair blonde for their next performance. Fair play.

Sky News : ‘Four Roma children die in Italian camp blaze’. When asked what a Roma was, the spokesman said…. “Sort of like burnt pork”.

I was walking through a forest last week with my wife when suddenly she disappeared. She was missing for a few hours so i decided to call the police. “How long did you spend looking for her?” Asked the policeman. “You have got to be joking.” I replied “I don’t beat about the bush.”

I know a Rastafarian who always leaves his house and car open. He dreads locks.

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? Because David was playing in a football match.

I’m a fan of sky sports. I managed to shoot a couple of paragliders down yesterday.