Category: wordplay

I put a Time Bomb in my mate’s car the other day. He was really ticked off.

Amy Winehouse drives an automatic. Ever since her dad banned her from touching any gear

A clock with a mirror? Time for reflection.

What do you call a duck that meets its future self? A Pairadux

A mate of mine was telling me that he has got a twelve inch sub in the boot of his car. He should really keep that in the fridge.

Sandwich makers have many rolls to fill.

I brought a card table today… On reflection, a wooden one would’ve been better.

Fat is the only problem you can run away from.

Armour and helmet half price: for one knight only.

I’m not the type of person who holds grudges. My father was and I will always hate him for that.

My wife drove me to drink… well a lift to the pub anyway.

Gastric bands lose the country millions of pounds a year.

Just ate a Chinese, totally worth the prison sentence.

My girlfriend was very impressed when i managed to get her bra off with one hand. “Could you try it on me next time” she said.

I’ve just spent 45 minutes in Dorothy Perkins. Worst thing is she didn’t even realise for the first half hour.