Category: wordplay

I got a luxury prize for using the correct punctuation mark to denote ownership. It was a posh trophy.

I was going to do a charity walk all the way through Iraq but I changed my mind. I ran.

Three boys were having a urination contest on a wall, trying to aim as high as possible. One of the mother’s came along and scolded them for making a mess of a public wall. So when the fathers asked their sons about what the mother did to them, the sons all said, “she hit the […]

Went for a drive in the countryside today and went past a field full of Italian gangster stereotypes bailing up straw Must be the Mafias heyday.

I came home early from work yesterday to find my wife in bed with another woman. That would have made my day.

A famous Football Player is providing funding to build Travelodge, Holiday Inn, Premier Inn, Hilton & NOVOTEL Hotels on a busy crossroads in Manchester. Apparently it’s going to be a Super Inn Junction.

We don’t have any vegetable jokes yet, so if you know one, lettuce know…

I hung up on a snowman the other day. I don’t like cold callers.

I went with some of my mates to a topless bar the other day. It started raining, we all got soaked.

If your soft drink gives you involuntary muscle spasms, it’s probably a caustic soda.

I was looking through the dictionary when I saw a nasty looking word. When I looked closer though, I saw it said hasty.

I used to make Draughts and Chess boards. I have a very chequered past.

Today’s horse racing tip of the day… Point it in the right direction and tell it to run as fast as it can.

I was out at my local club last night and this bird kept coming on to me and trying to dance with me. At first I was having none of it but after a few stiff drinks I was all over her. I guess it’s true what they say, absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

My accountant has been going through the books of my modeling agency this morning. He’s just looking at the figures.