Category: wordplay

If a guy comes up to you telling you his name is ‘Hype’… Don’t believe him.

I’ve been trying to get some sleep. But most people have rubbed theirs away before I can ask for it.

I tied the knot with my girlfriend yesterday. We love going cub-scouts together.

I had a threesome with a mate and an off duty police woman. Best game of piggy in the middle I’ve ever had.

What do you get for successfully laying under a cow? A pat on the back.

I make leather goods for a living. One of my customers sent me a letter of complaint today, claiming that the luggage I made for her was too top heavy and that the feet were unevenly placed, so she intended to sue me. I’m confident that her case will never stand up in court.

When the world is your oyster, all you have to do is stay clam and collected.

Why didn’t the Notorious B.I.G ever go on holiday? Because he didn’t like 2pac.

I had to take the wife to the garden centre today. It’s exactly 18 feet from the house and 8 feet from the neighbours fence and where we put up our washing line. Silly cow

BBC news: Red Arrows fly to home base. I don’t think they will stock anything in there to repair the broken one?

A guy was arrested for groping a hotel receptionist. In court, his defence was: “When I arrived there, I drove through a gate marked ENTER, walked through a door saying PUSH, came to a desk with a bell that said PRESS and met a woman wearing a badge that said PAT.”

Some chump tried to rob my newsagents the other day I tied him up and hid him in the chocolate section He’s behind bars now

I came accross 6 armed buddahs. Aren’t they supposed to be gods of peace?

My wife found out about my Aussie and Polish mistresses. She got the info from the minister of foreign affairs.

When I left school I really wanted to become a locksmith. Unfortunately though I failed the entrance exam.