Category: wordplay

I’ve never understood the phrase “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”. I’d much rather have two hands in the bush.

BBC NEWS : China mobile hits 600 million customers… That’s no way to sell your product

I looked in the dictionary to find out how to spell the word ‘incorrect’. They spelled it the same as me but then they said it was wrong.

I’m starting a deforestation business but I need an American to come and work for me. Sometimes when you’re pulling down a tree you need a good yank.

I’ve just found out that my favorite fish has got cancer. The vet said it’s a malignant tuna.

I was walking down the street the other day when an old lady fell over and dropped all her shopping. Immediately, a group of young men nearby stopped their game of football and rushed over to help. You wouldn’t see that happening in my neighbourhood, I thought ruefully. No ball games allowed.

I was robbed earlier. They ran in stabbed me in the chest, stole my TV and just randomly threw my Xbox games everywhere. There was Call of Duty to my right, next to that was Half Life, then me, Left for Dead.

I just heard that Jazz legend “Lena Horne” died. Going home to prop my saxophone against the wall in her Honour.

Our school teachers never did let us shorten Francesca Rash’s christian name.

It’s just taken me nearly four hours to eat a dozen watches. It was very time consuming.

If you’re not made of money, why does everything cost an arm and a leg?

My best mate and his partner are expecting a baby. Earlier saying how disorganised they were and all the things they need to get it. “What type of mobile should we get it?” Said his partner. I suggested a Sony Ericcson.

I just tried some of the new “Trebor extra strong gum” this morning, it was mint.

Bill Gate’s house is really nice but he needs to update his windows

Shouldn’t have cut the opening 3 subjects from my film: ‘Best Acronyms: A-Z’. It’s gone straight to DVD.