Category: wordplay

Just visited The Flying Egg Cafe at Heathrow. What I want to know is … which came first, the check-in or The Egg?

I was on my lunch yesterday when I suddenly thought, I have just squashed my sandwiches.

I paid 2 for a filthy, old hoe yesterday. What a bargain! The second hand garden centre really outdid itself.

Ive been off work all this week because my pet cow is sick. My boss just called to say he thinks Im milking it.

Went golfing with my gran yesterday, when she said, “Surely I should get a handicap playing you dear?” Well I thought a dodgy hip was enough, but I broke her arm nonetheless. English is a fickle language.

Got told off at work today for being too lazy. Give me a break!

We woke up this morning to the wife’s head stinking of fish, with a gill sprouting out one ear and a tail fin from the other. The doctor reckons it’s the worst looking brain tuna he’s ever seen.

I’m looking forward to James Cameron’s new film. It’s about a mysterious planet where everybody has turned blue from drinking too much WKD. It’s called Chavatar

In a recent survey, half of the people asked didn’t know their exact shoe size. I do, all my shoes are a foot long.

I went to a holiday park in Wales with my family, but the friction between us all was shocking. Thats the last time I stay in a static caravan.

My amnesiac friend keeps knocking on her own front door and then going in round the back to answer her own knocks. I don’t think she realises what she’s letting herself in for.

Everyone in my neighbourhood wears woolen jumpers that are a size too small, we’re a very tight knit community.

I’ve just read a book on the best use for a skip. It was rubbish.

Robbery at steel factory. That’s irony.

I just had a missed call from Chris Tarrant. He left a message that said, “For a million pounds, what famous Stephen King book featured a clown?” I should have answered It.