Category: wordplay

I spend a lot of time messing about with my bit on the side. I always end up settling for a Bobby Charlton style comb over though.

I thought I wasn’t going to go down too well with my new inmates But it seems they were impressed

Just saw a midget walking past an open gate and jumping the six foot fence instead. I thought,That’s a little over the top.

Does anyone else ever have this irrational urge to blame everything on other people? Or is it just you?

Since I was a child, I’ve been spending every weeknight in a frayed nun’s dress, watching my favourite Bruce Willis film. Old habits, Die Hard.

Auto-correct on iPhone drives me mad . It’s so hard to write a dirty joke when it won’t let me swear.. Tucking pile of shot.

I met my wife at a tea dance for arthritis sufferers. It was during the tango that we really clicked .

On Bonfire Night, remember to check the middle of your bonfire for any hedgehogs. They’ll cook much better on the edge

I lost my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about this.

My wife wants me to be more tender. She attacked me with a meat hammer.

I thought my days as a paedophile were numbered but it turns out I’m still in good touch.

The only time my wife squirts is when using Mr Muscle Kitchen spray.

If you’re not getting it your own way, don’t use reverse psychology. Or do.

If you’re always organizing things, you have OCD. If you’re always eating things, you have OBCD.

I panicked playing poker last night when I had a full house. I was going to have nowhere near enough chairs.