Category: wordplay

My mate text me saying he’d seen one of the characters from This Is England. “Lol” I replied… “No, it was Shaun” He sent back.

I beat my mate by five frames to nil yesterday which really upset him. He’s now lost his security job at the art gallery.

Without me, it’s just aweso.

It’s hard to explain how good my ability to describe things is.

Sky News: A man had a bullet lodged in the back of his head for five years because he was too drunk to realise. “Obviously had one to many shots then.”

Give your wife a head start on her way to 5 a day Push her down the Apples and Pears

If I had a pound for every man my girlfriend has slept with; I’d be a pimp.

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? One …. Two, and a-one two three four.

A contestant accused me of being a really stingy gameshow host. No prizes for guessing what I said.

The missus had to have both her legs amputated and the doctor gave her some cream for the wounds. I’ll stand by her though…just to rub it in.

My mate’s just bought Inferno on DVD. I asked if he could burn me a copy.

BBC News: Van der Sar to end career in May. I can’t wait to see that episode of Top Gear.

I was going to tell a joke about my girlfriends chest, and I’ll come onto that later.

The only time I don’t get on with paki’s, is when they board a plane.

What’s the best way to get across the middle east? Is road? Is air? Is rail……