Category: puns

Listen to the pen…It has a point.

I applied for a lottery grant, for me and my mates to form a Dusty Springfield tribute act. Only one of our group was allocated some money and that was only because his dad works at Dominos Pizza. The only boy who got any funding, was the son a Pizza Man

I went to a political debate yesterday and somebody threw a melted chocolate bar at one of the speakers. It proved to be quite a hot topic.

When I met my ex-wife, we were both students, and she told me she was studying astronomy. “Intelligent girl, this,” I thought, and married her. After we married and she got fat and ugly, I realised I must have misheard. She’d said “gastronomy”.

I flipped a coin and it managed to land perfectly on the edge… I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.

I played in a football match that ended in a 2-2 draw. No 1-1

I stole a boomerang in this store today and stuffed it up my sleeve, the security guard caught me and threw me out the shop 37 times…

I poured my cat out some milk the other day. Don’t know how it got in there…

Which knight never won a battle? Sir Render.

My calculator broke in the middle of an exam today I just can’t count on it anymore

My wife packed her bags and told me she was leaving me over my obsession with zoo animals. Well that excuse was irrelephant.

3.14% of all fish are Pi ranhas.

What nationality is Mr Sheen? Polish.

Drivers! get that feeling of a luxurious gravel driveway by supergluing ricekrispies to your tyres.

I work in a DIY shop, and every day this week a nun has walked in and bought a sheet of black cloth. I just hope she doesn’t make a habit of it.