Category: puns

So Holly Willoughby has named her new baby Belle. Bit cheesy if you ask me.

Had an argument over shared office stationery, bloke snapped my ruler. I don’t believe in half measures so I gave him a whole punch.

A good pun has its own reword.

My mate is so fat he can’t even get into his local chemist I think he’s too big for his Boots.

Illegal taxidermy: It’s a mounting problem.

Tried to count to infinity It took forever

I prefer Skips to Quavers. You can’t dispose of a body with a Quaver.

I went on a castle exhibition the other day, but it wasn’t really my forte.

On a recent holiday to Washington D.C., I decided to visit the place where they print American currency. Near the end of the tour I saw a tiny machine in the corner that was making a lot of noise so I asked the tour guide why it was so loud. “All the other machines print […]

I’m rehearsing for a play about botox. Going through the lines in my head.

Why should you never put Tony the tiger in the freezer? Because he will get Frostie

I’m not a big fan of change. I’d rather have a tenner, to be honest.

I just got my photos developed, and found a whole loads of pictures were taken of someone’s abdomen, just between the hips and ribcage. I thought, “that’s a waist”.

I couldn’t stand losing my legs.

Corks They like to keep things bottled up