Category: animals/insects

I’ve realised today that no matter how hard you try, you cannot baptize cats.

The worst bit about buying a zebra is the check out.

i asked a donkey to tell me his life story, it took years

Yesterday I drugged some birds of prey and plucked them, I was just about to put the feathers in the back of my van when I was caught by the police and they arrested me for ill eagle down loading.

What goes “clip”? A one legged horse.

Dear Moths, Okay so you live for about a week. Why don’t you go see the London eye or see how far you can get round the world? Please stop hanging around in my bedroom and also feeling the necessity to nose dive at my phone as I type this… Thanks

An Elephant came up to me and started speaking nonsense I said “I can’t listen to this mumbo, jumbo”

“I like your black and white skin, I like your great big udder, but most of all. I like the way you moo”!

Cats look down on us Dogs look up to us Pigs treat us as equal ————————- Winston Churchill

What happens if you give Red Bull to a bird?

Did you hear about the cheesy sparrows? They don’t like my grating.

I’ve taught my pet tortoise, Jerry, to breakdance. I say taught but actually I just put him on his back.

What do my wife and veterinary gloves have in common? They are both stuck up cows

On the ITV news just now, there was a segment where a CCTV video was shown of an old woman stroking a cat and putting it in a wheelie bin, and walking off, where the cat was trapped for 15 hours. I can guarantee you, if they didn’t find that CCTV, they would have put […]

I saw a missing dog poster on a tree today. So I wrote on it, “I ran over him.”