Category: animals/insects

There’s no such thing as an ‘ok’ crocodile wrestler

My mate told me I shouldn’t talk to my dog like he’s a person, or “he might get the wrong idea”. So I told him that if he’s capable of having these kind of ideas then he deserves to be spoken to like a person, thus creating a paradox.

Whipped raw by the white man, Poor living conditions, Working in the fields with no pay, I am talking, of course, about the horrible treatment of horses

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose ?

What do you get if you cross a cat and a mouse? Just a cat

What do you get from a nervous cow? Milkshakes.

My dog’s getting slow in his old age. He’s just brought me yesterdays newspaper.

The wife thought it was cruel of me to wake the kids so early and make them watch the cricket. But it’s just so cool the way it’s sliding down the tarantula’s throat.

I walked into the bedroom with a jar of honey. “Oooh, Are you going to smear it all over my naked body?” asked my wife. “That’s a bit kinky!” “Daft bint,” I thought, “I’m just going to use you as bait to try and get rid of that wasps nest.”

Men are like dog whistles…… Blow and we’ll come.

Can we not just settle this once and for all and give Paul the Octopus two boxes? White and black.

Boomerangs. Sticks for people who can’t afford a dog.

When I was a kid my mum used to puke in my mouth and make me eat it. Then again I am a penguin.

A man is swimming in the sea when suddenly a gigantic whale comes to the surface, opens its mouth and swallows him whole. The man arrives in the whale’s enormous stomach and is surprised to see a great white shark in there with him. He says to the shark, “Hey, you’re a shark – why […]

I just read the awful news that a child is critically ill in hospital after being mauled by two dogs in West Yorkshire. The two women from Leeds are currently being held in police kennels.