I have an absolute hatred …
I have an absolute hatred for Dysons and Hoovers. I think it’s because I’m at one with the universe. It’s my nature to abhor vacuums.
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The guy who killed Bin La …
The guy who killed Bin Laden will win at small talk for the rest of his life. “You’re a realtor? Cool. I shot Bin Laden in the face.”
Continue ReadingHead Lice: They’re living …
Head Lice: They’re living on the fringes of society.
Continue ReadingMy career seems to have p …
My career seems to have peaked at the cap factory.
Continue ReadingBring chess into the 21st …
Bring chess into the 21st century by desegregrating the black and white pieces sitting in either side.
Continue ReadingWas gonna go doctors for …
Was gonna go doctors for an Aids test, but I thought nar, I’ll take facebook’s ‘Have you got Aids?’ quiz, instead
Continue ReadingI got my A level results …
I got my A level results today. I got 3 A’s. A d, A e, and A U.
Continue ReadingEinstein said E=MC2 For m …
Einstein said E=MC2 For me E=A great night out.
Continue ReadingJust 3 pounds a month wil …
Just 3 pounds a month will help provide training for the England team.. Please..
Continue ReadingNeighbour: “I was wonderi …
Neighbour: “I was wondering if you could check your shed only my Cat has gone missi..” Me: “-Before we go any further, Margaret, is there a reward?” Neighbour: “Well, Yes…I imagine..?” Me: “-How much?” Neighbour: “I suppose, Twenty pounds?” Me: “In that case, No, I haven’t seen your cat..” “Which is a shame because I […]
Continue ReadingLong story short,I wrote …
Long story short,I wrote a summary of a novel..
Continue ReadingHave you heard about the …
Have you heard about the library in America that has burned down? Its awful, both books were destroyed and worse still one hadn’t been coloured in yet.
Continue ReadingI don’t really attack peo …
I don’t really attack people. I’m all stalk and no action.
Continue Reading“Doctor, my leg hurts. Wh …
“Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?” “Limp!”
Continue ReadingMy wife was involved in a …
My wife was involved in a car crash today. She said it was the most terrifying experience of her life she’s clearly never sat there trying to remember if she’s deleted her Internet history before someone else uses the computer
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