I hate it when my girlfriend thought i was talking about her when i was actually was talking about my car. That got us into a difficult conversation when i said that i could fit 4 guys in her and that she rides like a wild horse.
Continue ReadingDespite all his heinous crimes over the years, Osama Bin Laden only has one regret. Filling out his Census form.
Continue ReadingI want to write a cutlery joke but I dont know what the fork to say.
Continue ReadingI’ve just bought myself a new four storey house. I’m only going to live on the ground floor, that’s my living quarters.
Continue ReadingI walked into the kitchen last night to see my dad cooking tea, I stood and started crying my eyes out, i thought my mum had walked out on us
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend likes Roxette and bubbly chocolate So I laid a Wispa on her pillow.
Continue ReadingWhat do you get when you toss a lettuce? Salad cream.
Continue ReadingWhen I told my wife I was a member of the Ku Klux Klan she went as white as a sheet. She’s always so supportive.
Continue ReadingI was peeping over the neighbours fence watching their kids making a tall tower out of lego bricks. After watching for only a few minutes, there was a huge erection.
Continue ReadingWill the ‘i’ phenomenon ever stop? Now theres even a hurricane called an iRENE
Continue ReadingIf packaging manufacturers are trying to be environmentally friendly, then why is it that crisp packets are only ever half full?
Continue ReadingTo all those who have sponsored me to run the Great North Run to raise money for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness. I’ve decided not to run; I’m a bit tired and can’t really be bothered.
Continue ReadingBBC Radio 2 A German train company is trying to get permission to use the Channel Tunnel so that they can transport thousands of people from Berlin to London. This leaves me two questions; 1. How many Spitfires have we got? 2. Can you fly them along the tunnel?
Continue ReadingDoes “I love you like a brother” mean the same thing in Mississippi?
Continue ReadingMy missus says I’m immature and we should set aside a day so that we can talk… Ha! Like that’s gonna happen in the middle of conker season
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