I always thought I was al …
I always thought I was allergic to shampoo, Turns out your not suppose to drink it.
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I’ve had an argument with …
I’ve had an argument with my vest. It’s giving me the cold shoulder.
Continue ReadingMy bucket isn’t feeling v …
My bucket isn’t feeling very well. He looks a bit pale.
Continue ReadingNow that V.3 of Sickipedi …
Now that V.3 of Sickipedia has been launched I finally have something to look forward to in life. V.4.
Continue ReadingI’ve been trying to sell …
I’ve been trying to sell my car for weeks, but every potential buyer turns it down for the same reason. “Sorry mate, not interested. It’s got 50,000 miles on the clock.” “What’s wrong with that?” “It’s quarter to three.”
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between Yann Kermorgant and McCain? McCain can make decent chips.
Continue ReadingFor 10 years I suffered f …
For 10 years I suffered from “Locked in syndrome”, until I finally found a cure. Divorce.
Continue ReadingI was in my first science …
I was in my first science lecture today and the teacher was going on about the principles of gravity. I think he was just establishing the ground rules.
Continue ReadingA rich Barnsley lad wants …
A rich Barnsley lad wants to commemorate his well-loved dog, who has just died, by making a gold statue of it, so he pops off to his local jeweller. He says to the jeweller, “Can thee mek me a gold statue o’ me dog?” The jeweller replies, “Certainly, sir. Would you like it 18 carat?” […]
Continue ReadingSquirrels have the kind o …
Squirrels have the kind of life every man wants – they spend the whole autumn getting their nuts and then sleep all winter.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call 4 Black …
What do you call 4 Black Guys crossing Abbey Road? The Dung Beatles.
Continue ReadingSome guy knocked at my do …
Some guy knocked at my door this morning and asked me if I’ve ever considered an alternative energy supplier. I said, “No, I’m quite happy with food.”
Continue ReadingNever mess with a black b …
Never mess with a black bike enthusiast. They have too many Tandems.
Continue ReadingAfter my friend was run o …
After my friend was run over by a steamroller I was asked to identify the body. Police said ”How do you know him?” I said ”He’s my flat mate.”
Continue ReadingWhat has no nuts and is d …
What has no nuts and is desperate for a screw? The treehouse I made for my son. And that’s why he’s dead.
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