‘Crime never pays’ Unless …
‘Crime never pays’ Unless of course, you steal money.
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I use to have the head of …
I use to have the head of a lizard that told jokes. Think he may have been a bit of a chameleon.
Continue ReadingI have a tree planting ad …
I have a tree planting addiction and need to start cutting down.
Continue ReadingBreaking News: “Probe As …
Breaking News: “Probe As Woman’s Body Found In Brook” A little insensitive to start abusing her body already.
Continue ReadingI was sitting in a pub up …
I was sitting in a pub up in Scotland and a man bursts through the door and exclaims “A just had me first bairn! and its a wee lad!” and people well congratulating him and buying him drinks and one man in the corner shouts out “so whit ye gunna call yer son?” to which […]
Continue ReadingI’ve just tried my first …
I’ve just tried my first Mountain Dew and I struggle to see what all the hype is about. Licking Ben Nevis really didn’t give me the sugar rush I was expecting,
Continue ReadingI’m an idiot and installi …
I’m an idiot and installing Windows 7 on my computer was my idea…
Continue ReadingWhat kind of wood doesn’t …
What kind of wood doesn’t float? Natalie.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a woman …
What do you call a woman who drives an ambulance? Nina.
Continue ReadingThis morning I opened my …
This morning I opened my cupboard to find my underwear fighting. They are boxers to be fair.
Continue ReadingThe car park I was in tod …
The car park I was in today had a sign which said “You will be charged after 2 hours”. “How kind,” I thought as I parked my electric car.
Continue ReadingI lost my virginty in a s …
I lost my virginty in a skip. Or Laura as she was better known.
Continue ReadingMe and the kids have had …
Me and the kids have had a lovely Sunday morning sat watching and laughing at Rio. He’s by the side of the pool. crying.
Continue ReadingI went to my local market …
I went to my local market today and saw a sign that said: “ONE WATERMELON FOR 3 OR THREE FOR 10” Instead of telling the guy behind the stall how stupid he was I decided to show him. So I walked up to him and asked: “Can I buy a watermelon please?” “Yes sir, that’ll […]
Continue ReadingI’ve run out of jokes. I’ …
I’ve run out of jokes. I’m at my wits end.
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