Children of the 80’s , do you miss the sound of a playing card slapping your bike spokes? Well now you can recreate that sound by filling the roundabout at you local park with kids , pushing them so fast they tip their head back, then stop running and put your hand out slappin each […]
Continue ReadingNo means No! (and nitrogen monoxide)
Continue ReadingWhenever something was done to make a bad situation worse my dad used to always say it was “simply adding fuel to the fire” I think that’s why he lost his job as fireman
Continue ReadingWhat’s full of whites, and ruined by a black? My washing.
Continue ReadingOn the KFC advert there isn’t a single black person working or eating there, I never knew such a place existed.
Continue ReadingSome people think my legs look funny. I should hope so, I do stand-up.
Continue ReadingMy dad threw my drum kit from the third floor window so I’m off to the hardware to buy some glue. If you can’t beat them,join them.
Continue ReadingI’m like a God in my Kid’s eyes, They are told that I created them, but they have never seen me.
Continue ReadingHow is it that the people in the Churchill advert are completely OK with a talking dog, yet when this talking dog starts making wild claims they suddenly become all cynical?
Continue ReadingPain is just nature’s way of telling you to take more heroin.
Continue ReadingWoke up feeling tired this morning, went and got on the bus took my seat and nodded off. I was woken to loads of people shouting and screaming. I hate my job as a bus driver
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend gets really nervous before she eats a packet of Galaxy chocolates. She’s got Pre-Minstrel Tension.
Continue ReadingIf there is anything I have learnt in life it’s that you can’t beat a cup of tea, but you can beat your wife.
Continue ReadingAfter telling him numerous times to be careful, my brother fell off his motorbike. I saw him in hospital, and he said to me: “I… di… Din… Did… n… wu… I… din war… yu…” So I told him: “You can’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Continue ReadingHaving no ears is unheard of
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