My daughter came home in floods of tears a few days ago. “Daddy, Daddy, I’m stuck on my homework!” It was mathematics- addition, to be precise. So, being a good parent, I painstakingly explained it to her, in detail, until she got the picture. The next day, she came home crying again. “Daddy, daddy, I’m […]
Continue ReadingA lab worker accidentally dropped a chemical on his hand that caused his skin to sublimate. He was fuming.
Continue Reading“Good God Holmes!” “What is it Watson?” “We seemed to have forgotten our Christian names.”
Continue ReadingI’m sick of seeing all these children’s TV cartoons set as every ones display picture on Facebook. I see enough of Pingu and Rosie and Jim when my girlfriend gets her choice of what to watch on TV.
Continue ReadingMy dad won the sperm donor championships two years in a row. He’s the number 1 seed.
Continue ReadingI took the Wife and Kids for a day out at the Royal navy museum in Portsmouth. The tour guide asked “Would you like to have a tour of a ship?”, I said “Yeah frigate, why not!”
Continue ReadingI was out walking the dog when I saw my new boss playing golf. So wanting to make a good impression, I saw his ball near the hole and I shouted to him in the distance “Is this ball yours?” He said yes so I picked it up and threw it him back.
Continue ReadingAre you illiterate? Write to me for help.
Continue ReadingI just got the job as a History teacher at a local school. In my first lesson I said, ‘there are 3 things you need to know about history.’ Ctrl H. Right Click. Delete.
Continue ReadingAnd then there was the woman who was married to a succession of three Microsoft employees and still died a virgin: Her first husband was in Training, and kept teaching her how to do it herself. The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be. And the third […]
Continue ReadingMy dog loves it when I tickle her neck As soon as I hit the cervix her leg starts to shake.
Continue ReadingI have a Chinese friend called Ding. Every time the microwave goes off, he thinks someone’s calling him.
Continue ReadingDoes anyone want to join my javelin club? I’m just throwing it out there.
Continue ReadingI just attacked a policeman with a flower It was a fragrant disregard for the law
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen a German midget climbing into a tin. I think his name is Heinz.
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