What’s yellow and grows o …
What’s yellow and grows on an apple tree? A silly banana.
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I could not believe what …
I could not believe what we were seeing this afternoon as i stood with a group of spectators and witnessed the violent scenes in London unfold right infront of us. We did nothing, all we could do is stand and watch. Anyway i won’t beat myself up over it. I’m off duty now.
Continue ReadingFinding someone who can c …
Finding someone who can cook the perfect steak without undercooking or thoroughly burning it… Rare.
Continue ReadingAfter having colonic irri …
After having colonic irrigation today I was really tired. It really takes it out of you.
Continue ReadingI fancy myself as a bit o …
I fancy myself as a bit of a narcissist.
Continue ReadingMy wife just called me at …
My wife just called me at work telling me she could smell gas and what she should do. I told her to light a scented candle. That would solve both of our problems.
Continue ReadingDont you just hate it whe …
Dont you just hate it when you slam your computer monitor down thinking that you’re on a laptop…
Continue ReadingI will be sticking to my …
I will be sticking to my old Gillette Fusion razor and not upgrading to the Gillette Fusion Proglide as I prefer a more strenuous “tug and pull”.
Continue ReadingI’ve just had to reboot m …
I’ve just had to reboot my computer because it broke. I probably shouldn’t have booted it in the first place.
Continue ReadingI’m fed up with all the e …
I’m fed up with all the ethnic minorities near my house in east London so I decided to get on the central line and head to White City. When I got off what I saw made me feel disappointed, disgusted and lied to. It’s not a city at all.
Continue ReadingThere was a Chav hiccupin …
There was a Chav hiccuping on the train this morning, it was starting to annoy me so I told him to hold his breath. He said, “Oh, cheers mate, its coz I’m hiccupin’ init?” I replied, “No it’s because you are an absolute loser and I want you off the face off the Earth.”
Continue ReadingI’m a sucker for a large …
I’m a sucker for a large room. It’s probably my biggest floor.
Continue ReadingWhat’s saucy? A back to f …
What’s saucy? A back to front see-saw.
Continue ReadingI was watching a programm …
I was watching a programme about bungee jumping into crocodiles when the host said, “Don’t attempt this at home”. Which was annoying as I’d just tied the cord from the roof and got the paddling pool ready.
Continue ReadingMy wife was about to walk …
My wife was about to walk out the door with her bags when I said, “Please darling, give me one more chance. I promise to do all the housework from now on, I’ll cook your dinner every night and even pleasure you every night without wanting anything in return.” “Are you going to start this […]
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