Remember when using the t …
Remember when using the toilet to always flush twice. Scousers will steal anything.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I said to my son, “You sk …
I said to my son, “You skipped school today to play football.” He said, “No I never, and I’ve got the fish to prove it.”
Continue ReadingI don’t know why all the …
I don’t know why all the local kids insist on calling me a batty man when I’m out jogging; I haven’t even got any wings.
Continue ReadingI resent people who insis …
I resent people who insist I should respect the national anthem. I won’t stand for it.
Continue ReadingI don’t really get what’s …
I don’t really get what’s so hot about role playing. I dated this black girl who wanted me to play the role of a police officer… so I tazed her and planted cocaine in her pocket.
Continue ReadingCant say i’d buy an iPhon …
Cant say i’d buy an iPhone 4 after that new advert showing off FaceTime. Video quality is good but the sound seems to have been replaced with Louis Armstrong…
Continue ReadingI was out shopping when a …
I was out shopping when a young lad stopped me and said, “Excuse me, mate, if I give you some money, will you go into the shop and buy some beer?” I said, “Wow, thanks very much. That’s very generous of you.”
Continue ReadingI’ve just had a telephone …
I’ve just had a telephone interview for a job as an engineer with B.T. The interviewer asked me “have you got any experience with communication systems?” Perhaps I should have stopped and thought before replying “you do know we are on the phone?”
Continue ReadingI bought three pink tents …
I bought three pink tents. Some may see that as a little camp.
Continue ReadingI know we won it, but cal …
I know we won it, but calling world war 1 the Great war is over the top!
Continue ReadingOne person who hasn’t bee …
One person who hasn’t been affected by the London congestion charge is Prince Harry. He still manages to come into Chelsea at least twice a day.
Continue ReadingMe and the lads have a br …
Me and the lads have a brilliant weekend ahead. Our Chinese mate has invited us to go to Reading for the weekend. Although I’m not exactly sure what he meant by me being the ‘best man’, and having to prepare a speech. It was completely beyond me.
Continue ReadingReally happened: My daugh …
Really happened: My daughter wanted a nameplate for her rabbit’s hutch. The woman in the shop asked, “What’s your little rabbit’s name?” My daughter said, “I haven’t a clue, but I call him Philip!” ——————— Worth a thought isn’t it?
Continue ReadingDear Sheila, Are you real …
Dear Sheila, Are you really the joke stealer, or are you just saying that because it rhymes? Regards, Dave Miller the Bandwagon killer.
Continue ReadingLook on the bright side.. …
Look on the bright side…at least Gordon has stopped smiling.
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