My Mate has got a Book on …
My Mate has got a Book on Palindromes. I don’t know whether to Borrow or Rob.
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I wondered what the colou …
I wondered what the colour of water is the other day. Then it became clear to me.
Continue ReadingI was in court yesterday …
I was in court yesterday and asked my lawyer what he thought of my case. “Well,Ive had a good look at it,and Its a bit flimsy if Im honest” he replied. “I thought so” I started,”but it was only a fiver from a car boot”
Continue ReadingI love it when the ice cr …
I love it when the ice cream man comes out, so I can see all the hot and sweaty kids chasing after him, getting their lolly’s and licking away, I never did understand what granddad meant when he said that.
Continue ReadingI work in an electronics …
I work in an electronics component factory and yesterday I had to ban all the woman from wearing bras with under-wires. I don’t work in health and safety, I’m just a perv.
Continue ReadingIn England, of course, al …
In England, of course, all roads roam to Leeds.
Continue ReadingAdvert in my local newsag …
Advert in my local newsagent. WANTED: Someone to walk my dog in the Evenings. Chinese need not apply.
Continue ReadingI’m too cool for school.. …
I’m too cool for school… Too old as well according to the police…
Continue ReadingI went into work today an …
I went into work today and asked for a pay rise,and my boss said yeah – I was astounded that he would be so understanding. Until he took out a gun, shot me in the knee, and gave me a benefits claim form.
Continue ReadingI saw my son playing card …
I saw my son playing cards on a level crossing Hes addicted to gambling online.
Continue ReadingA mate of mine walked int …
A mate of mine walked into the pub with a fish on his head. The fish was positioned quite high on his head with its broad tail hanging down the back of his neck like a curtain. “Evening Dave!” I said, “Nice mullet.”
Continue ReadingI married a woman who tur …
I married a woman who turned out to be a vampire. I loved her and was prepared to go along with most of the changes it meant to our lifestyle but I just couldn’t see myself in a house without mirrors.
Continue ReadingWhy did the clock phone t …
Why did the clock phone the ruler? Because desperate times call for desperate measures….
Continue ReadingI wouldn’t say I’m smug, …
I wouldn’t say I’m smug, but every year on my birthday I phone my mother to congratulate her.
Continue ReadingI just asked my mate what …
I just asked my mate what illness Strepsil was for. “For cough,” he said. “No need to be rude, it’s just a simple question!” I replied.
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