All I ask is for someone …
All I ask is for someone to give me enough money to prove it cannot buy me happiness.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Girls are all over me whe …
Girls are all over me when I tell them I work as a red arrow. Really I hold the sign in the high street that points you in the direction of Currys.
Continue ReadingI was at the dentist’s ge …
I was at the dentist’s getting my teeth checked up, and he asked me where I was from, I could only reply “llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch” I hate living in Wales.
Continue ReadingI’ve bought myself a chin …
I’ve bought myself a chinchilla. That should keep my face nice and cool in this warm weather.
Continue ReadingI’m got an illness which …
I’m got an illness which makes me cheer at random moments. Whooping cough.
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen a hedgehog …
I’ve just seen a hedgehog being thrown out of a pub. He was spiking everybody’s drinks.
Continue ReadingAs Irene went thundering …
As Irene went thundering accross the city, smashing into buildings and knocking cars clean out of the way, i thought.. I really shouldn’t have let her drive home
Continue ReadingMy ultra conservative loc …
My ultra conservative local priest said he would ban me from the church if I don’t try to reconcile with my ex-wife either way I’m facing excommunication
Continue ReadingI was watching “Finding B …
I was watching “Finding Bigfoot” on Animal Planet. I’m guessing these guys aren’t getting paid per bigfoot found.
Continue ReadingA barman walks into the s …
A barman walks into the stables. “Why the long face?”, asks the horse. “It’s because you don’t visit me anymore”, says the barman.
Continue ReadingI had to quit my job as a …
I had to quit my job as a comedic fashion designer. I didn’t have enough material.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between Madeleine Mcann, My girlfriend and a dead baby? Nothing.
Continue ReadingI keep seeing the signs ” …
I keep seeing the signs “Polling Station” today, its so wrong, they come to our country… Working in coffee shops or wash cars for a living, and they get their own stations
Continue ReadingI poached an egg this mor …
I poached an egg this morning. I shot it with my air rifle.
Continue ReadingAn unnamed chef has been …
An unnamed chef has been sacked for always serving dry and tasteless meals. No more Mr. Rice Guy.
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