Being a Secret Agent is g …
Being a Secret Agent is great. It means I can still claim job seeker benefits as well as the commission from the houses I sell.
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My boss keeps telling me …
My boss keeps telling me to “pull my socks up”. I hope he stops saying it, they’re past my knees now and I’m walking like a spaz.
Continue ReadingI just saw a guy with 2 p …
I just saw a guy with 2 prosthetic arms and 2 prosthetic legs having an epileptic fit. I found it really upsetting, I hate seeing people fall to pieces like that.
Continue ReadingKnowledge is power. Franc …
Knowledge is power. France is Bacon.
Continue ReadingI’ve given up honey produ …
I’ve given up honey production to form a Monkee’s tribute band. Now I’m a bee leaver.
Continue ReadingWomen should be more like …
Women should be more like Facebook. Once you become friends with her, u should have access to all of her privates.
Continue Reading“25 Artists in tonights E …
“25 Artists in tonights Eurovision, and I can tell you that one of them will be the winner” Oh well I never!
Continue ReadingWhat is iPad? iPad is thi …
What is iPad? iPad is thin. iPad is beautiful. iPad goes anywhere and lasts all day. iPad is not my wife.
Continue ReadingI don’t know if you have …
I don’t know if you have seen it or not but there is an advert trying to inform us that fake medicine off the internet can harm us, and in the advert we see a guy pulling a dead mouse out his mouth and a voiceover saying: “Rat Poison. One of the potential substances that […]
Continue ReadingLittle Johnny has just re …
Little Johnny has just returned from a psychological examination. “Well, Johnny,” says his mother, “what did the psychologist say?” “He said I had an Oedipus Complex,” says Johnny. “Just you forget that Oedipus rubbish!” says his mother. “The main thing is you love your mummy.”
Continue ReadingI had a downhill race wit …
I had a downhill race with a tranny on a push bike today. I beat him by miles. I think the drag let him down.
Continue ReadingThe best player in our fo …
The best player in our football team is a tramp, he learned his skills on the street and has wonderful ability. The only problem is he never turns up for home games.
Continue ReadingBBC News: Gunman Shoots S …
BBC News: Gunman Shoots Seven. Friends say he didn’t want 10 living in fear after 7 ate 9.
Continue ReadingI saw a homeless guy cowe …
I saw a homeless guy cowering in a doorway holding an old newspaper over his head sheltering from the heavy rain. “I couldn’t help but notice but it looks like you could do with a place to take shelter for the night,” I said as I leaned in to help him to his feet. “Oh […]
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend came round …
My girlfriend came round my house for the first time last night. She looked at my coal fire and said “Why dont you have a guard in front of that” I said “Coz I’ll trip over his rifle”
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