I slept in today. Because …
I slept in today. Because it was cold outside.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Did you know?…. …that …
Did you know?…. …that if we collected together all of the money from wasted electricity in one day…. ….and gave it to the homeless…. …..they’d probably spend it on booze.
Continue ReadingI bought a pair of tortoi …
I bought a pair of tortoise skin shoes, it took me 3 hours to walk out the shop.
Continue ReadingDavid Cameron is in Mexic …
David Cameron is in Mexico for the G-20 Summit. Today he met with Russia’s Vladimir Putin. He said ‘I think your communist policies are a danger to the world.’ There’s no word on how David responded.
Continue ReadingI’m Worried that my addic …
I’m Worried that my addiction to Helter Skelters is spiraling out of control.
Continue ReadingAaron Ramsey, now that’s …
Aaron Ramsey, now that’s what I call a Deadly Strike.
Continue ReadingI’ve just swallowed some …
I’ve just swallowed some peroxide. I think I’m going to dye.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend said that s …
My girlfriend said that she wanted a fairytale relationship. So I ate her Grandmother.
Continue ReadingI was tidying up with the …
I was tidying up with the kids, today. That’ll teach them to play poker with their pocket money.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a Spania …
What do you call a Spaniard with ice cream on his head? Juan Cornetto.
Continue ReadingI get far too exited when …
I get far too exited when I go to B&Q. Just yesterday, I walked straight in and got wood.
Continue ReadingWhoever said money can’t …
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, didn’t go to the right shops.
Continue ReadingWhere’s the best place to …
Where’s the best place to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow!
Continue ReadingI don’t trust carpenters, …
I don’t trust carpenters, they’re a crafty bunch.
Continue ReadingI was stood in the train …
I was stood in the train station this morning when a girl slipped onto the lines and got her foot stuck. “Help!” She screamed. “I don’t want to die this way!” So I ran over and slit her throat.
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