My wife keeps doing pheas …
My wife keeps doing pheasant impressions. I thought “She’s game”
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I got 12 years for killin …
I got 12 years for killing a man who interupted me… i cant wait to finish my sentence.
Continue ReadingI just got sent a picture …
I just got sent a picture message from a girl I was talking to over the internet I replied asking for a picture she has not used with the fat booth iPhone app, still waiting for her to get back to me.
Continue ReadingI went to a kebab shop th …
I went to a kebab shop the other day and got a doner. Unfortunately my body rejected it
Continue ReadingI have always wanted to w …
I have always wanted to walk into an animal hospital with a fur coat on and say “There, sort that lot out!”
Continue ReadingI was at the doctor’s tod …
I was at the doctor’s today, and he diagnosed me as having Sickipedia disease: it’s the only disease where the sicker you are, the more chance you have of NOT being buried.
Continue Reading‘Man holds hostages becau …
‘Man holds hostages because of HGV License’. Wow-The HGV Test has changed since i took it.
Continue ReadingI didn’t have the best ch …
I didn’t have the best childhood. My dad used to beat me and my siblings. He was far better at scrabble than us.
Continue ReadingBBC NEWS – Royal Mail tes …
BBC NEWS – Royal Mail tests evening delivery. That’s brilliant, I can finally get my post a bit earlier.
Continue ReadingI think my doctor fancies …
I think my doctor fancies me. He said I have acute paranoia.
Continue ReadingJim Marshall, founder of …
Jim Marshall, founder of Marshall amplification, has died and gone to eleven.
Continue ReadingPeople who go to bondage …
People who go to bondage clubs are bound to enjoy it.
Continue ReadingThe easiest kind of ‘ship …
The easiest kind of ‘ship’ to wreck is a relation’ship’. Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot about the French Navy. Make that 20,000th easiest.
Continue ReadingI recently moved to Spain …
I recently moved to Spain, which is an hour ahead of Britain thanks to Central European Time. I’ve brought my British satellite decoder with me, so I’m going to clean up betting on the football matches back home.
Continue ReadingI have a TV that picks up …
I have a TV that picks up 6 channels. Its extra-terrestrial.
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