If your pet iguana is sic …
If your pet iguana is sick, do you have a reptile dysfunction?
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
People who jump queue are …
People who jump queue are out of line.
Continue ReadingGuy 1: “I’ve just stolen …
Guy 1: “I’ve just stolen a pool inflatable and I think the police are after me, what should I do? Guy 2: “Lie low?” Guy 1: “Nah it was a rubber ring”
Continue ReadingI just had a heated argum …
I just had a heated argument with my wife. She’s probably right, I really should get the central heating fixed.
Continue ReadingBeen trying to work out w …
Been trying to work out why my pen isn’t working all day and it’s just clicked…
Continue ReadingWhat’s funnier than dropp …
What’s funnier than dropping a baby out of a window? Dropping it off of the roof.
Continue ReadingBBC News: Postman bitter …
BBC News: Postman bitter after dog attack. I think it’s spelt bitten isn’t it?
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between swimming and sucking? My 12 year old daughter can swim a whole length without choking.
Continue ReadingTop tip of the day: Dont …
Top tip of the day: Dont make chicken impressions in a public place. I got arrested for using foul language.
Continue ReadingA rolling stone gathers n …
A rolling stone gathers no moss. Why would they when they have booze, women, cocaine and heroin?
Continue ReadingI hate it whenever I’m in …
I hate it whenever I’m in the car and I see one of those road signs that says “Draw Bridge Ahead” and I don’t have a pencil.
Continue ReadingI’ve just spent 10 grand …
I’ve just spent 10 grand on a swimming pool for my garden with a high diving board. I just thought I’d splash out.
Continue ReadingAs I sat on the edge of t …
As I sat on the edge of the bed pulling off my boxers, my wife looked at me and said, “Please don’t do that to the dogs.”
Continue ReadingA friend of mine rung me …
A friend of mine rung me and said he had just seen the actress from the 1960’s tv show The Avengers cycling past him. I said “Honor Blackman?” He said “No……. just on a push bike”
Continue ReadingThis random guy came up t …
This random guy came up to me in the street and said, “Hey, brother from another mother!” It was charming but, nevertheless, a cruel way to find out that I’m adopted.
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