How do you tell people yo …
How do you tell people you aren’t in denial?
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As part of a Guns and Ros …
As part of a Guns and Roses tribute act, I’m a singer Slash actor.
Continue ReadingI was sat for hours, rubb …
I was sat for hours, rubbing two small sticks together in an attempt to make a fire. Thinking back, It probably would have been easier and quicker to just strike the matches.
Continue ReadingNone of my asian friends …
None of my asian friends like the new Iphone. I keep trying to tell them it’s got more than one great new feature,but they just think its siri…….
Continue ReadingWhat do Elephants have fo …
What do Elephants have for their dinner? An hour, just like the rest of the animals.
Continue ReadingI went to see the doctor …
I went to see the doctor because I couldn’t remember anything. I thought it was amnesia. Turns out I just have a really boring life.
Continue ReadingTwo cannibals are talking …
Two cannibals are talking over a stewing broth, one says, “Do you recognise him, he looks familiar?” Other cannibal says, “Not sure mate, I think you may have him mixed up with someone else.”
Continue ReadingSickipedia. The only plac …
Sickipedia. The only place a joke about football is more frowned upon than a joke about raping dead babies.
Continue ReadingI’ve just bought my wife …
I’ve just bought my wife a booster seat. She’s really happy now as she can pop her head out the car window just like all the other dogs.
Continue Reading“If you can’t beat them, …
“If you can’t beat them, join them.” Confusing thing to say to a double arm amputee after giving them a bongo set as a present.
Continue ReadingIf you get an infinite nu …
If you get an infinite number of rednecks shooting at an infinite number of road signs with an infinite number of guns, eventually one of them will come up with the complete works of Shakespeare in Braille.
Continue ReadingMy Mum told me I would me …
My Mum told me I would melt some hearts one day, she was right, but I hate working in the pork pie factory.
Continue ReadingTrampoline: Lube for a ho …
Trampoline: Lube for a hobo.
Continue ReadingMy dad said to me “In lif …
My dad said to me “In life son there will be a lot of people you look up to”. I said “How do you know?” He said “Because you’re so short”.
Continue ReadingWhen couples have been to …
When couples have been together for a long time, one will often finish the other’s sentence. Rosemary West, for example
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