Knicker sniffing is just …
Knicker sniffing is just a taste of things to come…
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Sky news Boy crushed by …
Sky news Boy crushed by car ‘was a true individual’ His father said ‘Our jack was always under cars ‘
Continue ReadingYou know you have no soci …
You know you have no social life when your 70 year old mother gets more texts then you. It’s even worse when she hasn’t had a working mobile for 3 years.
Continue ReadingThey say “It’s always dar …
They say “It’s always darkest, before dawn.” No it’s not. It’s always darkest when trying to find a place to sit in the cinema after the movie started.
Continue ReadingI told my wife to spin th …
I told my wife to spin the globe, put her finger on it and wherever it lands that will be the holiday destination. ”Ooooo!” she says excited, ”Looks like its the Caribbean.” ”Great .” I replied, ”Now lets see where I’m going.”
Continue ReadingI love brunettes but I wa …
I love brunettes but I was gutted to come home from work to find my girlfriend had dyed her hair light-blonde. It’s just not fair.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend asked me if …
My girlfriend asked me if I find sarcasm funny. I said, “Oh yes, I find it so hilarious it makes me feel like my sides are about to split with uncontrollable laughter.”
Continue ReadingMy Son scored 0 in his ma …
My Son scored 0 in his math test at school. “Son, if you don’t score, how will you live up to your idol?” “I already am living up to him.” “Really? Who is it?” “Fernando Torres.”
Continue ReadingMy wife just phoned me an …
My wife just phoned me and said, “The car won’t move”. I said, “What’s wrong with it?” She said, “I’m not sure, it could be the Lamp Post on the bonnet weighing it down”.
Continue ReadingI asked Mark Zuckerberg f …
I asked Mark Zuckerberg for advice on how to become a millionaire. He told me to invest a billion in Facebook.
Continue ReadingMy wife left me this time …
My wife left me this time last year because I was always “too nostalgic” Ah, those were the days…
Continue ReadingI ate the most wonderful …
I ate the most wonderful flatfish today. It was brill.
Continue ReadingMemo to whoever signed Ma …
Memo to whoever signed MasterChef’s John Torode and Gregg Wallace to host Friday night’s Have I Got News For You: Booking doesn’t get duffer than this.
Continue ReadingPolice can now tell that …
Police can now tell that your on drugs while driving by looking at your eyes. I don’t mind though, they can’t see through the joint smoke in my car.
Continue ReadingPeople only come in to my …
People only come in to my shop to get out of the rain! I hate working at ‘Shelter’.
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