Sadly, my practical jokes …
Sadly, my practical jokes business has been served with a winding-up order.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I had a cancer scare yest …
I had a cancer scare yesterday. A woman with a collection tin came towards me, fortunately I managed to cross the road before she got to me.
Continue ReadingThe government want more …
The government want more police on the streets. There will be after all the job cuts.
Continue ReadingHaving fake teeth. That’l …
Having fake teeth. That’ll denture confidence
Continue ReadingSo, I was doing a crosswo …
So, I was doing a crossword last night and my wife, representing a beached whale on the sofa, kept interrupting my out-loud thought processes with unappreciated answers. So I said: “The next letter after ‘s’ in the alphabet…” My privately educated wife: “t?” Me: “Yeah. Get making it.”
Continue ReadingWhat I don’t know about g …
What I don’t know about gardening isn’t worth growing.
Continue ReadingI’ve just started work as …
I’ve just started work as an estate agent. It’s not a job. It’s a vocation. Vocation. Vocation.
Continue ReadingTo be fair, I’d have to s …
To be fair, I’d have to spend a fortune on hair dye.
Continue ReadingTotally killed at the nur …
Totally killed at the nursing home open mic last night. Didn’t actually perform, but I did unplug some respirators.
Continue ReadingI was sat in traffic the …
I was sat in traffic the other day… I got ran over
Continue ReadingI saw a stand up comedian …
I saw a stand up comedian-psychic today… He was saying what we were all thinking.
Continue ReadingApparently, hitting someb …
Apparently, hitting somebody at 40 gives them a 10% chance of survival.. How do they expect me to determine the age of a Paki when I’m flying around at 100mph?
Continue ReadingMy opticians webpage has …
My opticians webpage has gone missing… I’ve lost my site!
Continue ReadingWas clothes shopping onli …
Was clothes shopping online earlier and I logged onto Yorkshiremenswear.com. All I got was a load of northern blokes effing and blinding.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend just texted …
My girlfriend just texted me: ‘I’m not talking to you’. I texted back: ‘I know, clever this texting lark isn’t it?’
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