Halloween – An agoraphobi …
Halloween – An agoraphobic pedophile with a festish’ dream.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I was down the pub last n …
I was down the pub last night with my mates when I spotted the wife chatting up the barman. I got hold of her, took her outside and gave her a Sepp Blatter, or what`s more commonly known as a backhander.
Continue ReadingIronically all the haemor …
Ironically all the haemorrhoid books at the local library are stacked in piles.
Continue ReadingA mate of mine got termin …
A mate of mine got terminated for persistent misbehaviour at his job today. I thought that was a bit harsh. Couldn’t they just have fired him?
Continue ReadingHitch-hiking gets my thum …
Hitch-hiking gets my thumbs up
Continue ReadingMy wife just caught me fl …
My wife just caught me flicking our daughter’s bean. I don’t care though, they’re really fun when they jump about.
Continue ReadingI can make a room smell n …
I can make a room smell nice with either hand. I’m Ambi-Pur-Dextrous.
Continue ReadingI opened up a business se …
I opened up a business selling trampolines to Eastern Europeans, but it’s not going well… the Czechs keep bouncing.
Continue ReadingLooks like I could meet m …
Looks like I could meet my maker tomorrow… I might pop round my dad’s.
Continue ReadingI was dropping some pills …
I was dropping some pills at a club last night when this guy came over to me, bent over, and picked them up.
Continue ReadingToday I asked the missus …
Today I asked the missus if she fancied going to see a romantic film then maybe having a nice meal somewhere. She seemed really excited. “Sounds fantastic! How thoughtful of you!” “Great,” I said. “There’s thirty quid. I’ll see you in a few hours, I’m going to the pub.”
Continue ReadingI was so drunk last night …
I was so drunk last night that I slept on a clothes horse. I woke up hung over the next morning.
Continue ReadingNever take a bull by the …
Never take a bull by the horns; take him by the tail, then you can let go without getting some one to help you.
Continue ReadingThe only good thing to co …
The only good thing to come out of Religion is the number of holidays we get in a year.
Continue ReadingWas on an American flight …
Was on an American flight yesterday and bought a couple of things from the in-flight bar. The air hostess said “That’s $4.50, we would appreciate it if you had the correct money, if possible sir”. So I gave her some Sterling.
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