Brothers aren’t always ri …
Brothers aren’t always right. But when they are, they invent the aeroplane.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I know an incredibly obes …
I know an incredibly obese black gentleman, this guy is so fat he’s actually round. I really hate it when people mock him though. It’s just pointless racism.
Continue ReadingI hate candle wax, it get …
I hate candle wax, it gets on my wick.
Continue ReadingBBC News: All flights at …
BBC News: All flights at Birmingham Airport are suspended and the runway closed after a small aircraft is believed to have crashed. Surely they know if the aircraft crashed or not????????
Continue ReadingMy mate’s getting really …
My mate’s getting really worried because he can’t stop stealing cooking utensils I told him to stop panicking and he’ll be fine.
Continue ReadingResearchers at Bristol Un …
Researchers at Bristol University say a breed of blood-sucking ticks has been discovered in the UK. Wait a minute, blood-sucking leeches appearing near the start of April? That’s just Inland Revenue!
Continue ReadingI am a great inventor. Fo …
I am a great inventor. Four years ago I created a machine that can roll 97 joints in 1.4 seconds. I haven’t really done much since then to be honest.
Continue ReadingThe wife’s been moaning a …
The wife’s been moaning about the body parts all over the house from my mail order Frankenstein kit. I’ve told her I’d finish it but after what the dog ate, I don’t think I’ve the heart for it anymore.
Continue ReadingChinese restaurants: Try …
Chinese restaurants: Try and cheer your customers up by putting the bill for their meal inside a fortune cookie.
Continue ReadingI feel that geographical …
I feel that geographical puns are beneath me; there’s Norway I’d go Oslo as that.
Continue ReadingBP bosses are under fire …
BP bosses are under fire again for ridiculing the victims of the oil leak. Several of them were seen arriving at work today with their hair slicked back.
Continue ReadingWhen I get stressed, I be …
When I get stressed, I beat my wife with stringed instruments She’s a victim of domestic violins
Continue ReadingMy wife has tons of credi …
My wife has tons of credit cards. She has so many magnetic strips in her wallet, her purse points north.
Continue ReadingAt the end of the checkou …
At the end of the checkout at Sainsbury’s it says, “Please pull your bag here”, Why did it take the Security Guards to point out to me that I misunderstood the sign?
Continue ReadingI hear Wayne Rooney’s dad …
I hear Wayne Rooney’s dad has been arrested. Was it for producing dope?
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