Time is never wasted if y …
Time is never wasted if you’re wasted all the time.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I stopped celebrating as …
I stopped celebrating as soon as I realised I’d misunderstood the news my girlfriend broke to me earlier. …I thought she meant Spears.
Continue ReadingAnyone else get seriously …
Anyone else get seriously excited when they receive their first text message for about a month, then rapidly that excitement goes when they find out it’s from Orange.
Continue ReadingMy mum has just left for …
My mum has just left for work and I’m home alone to deal with the trick-or-treaters. What a night I’ve got planned. I’m turning the lights off, getting stoned and eating all the sweets myself.
Continue ReadingJustin Bieber’s Hair cut: …
Justin Bieber’s Hair cut: 45 Justin Biebe’rs Wardrobe: 150 Justin Bieber’s talent: Worthless For every ‘Tard, there is a Master ‘Tard.
Continue Reading“I need to go and see a p …
“I need to go and see a psychiatrist” I said “Why, what’s wrong with you?” “I think i’m going mad, and losing my sanity.” “I wouldn’t worry about it” replied my dog.
Continue ReadingMy pretentious new girlfr …
My pretentious new girlfriend took me down to her film club last night. I think I was a little out of my depth. They were all juxtaposition this and narrative that and how they adore the use of subtext. Then I was asked, “And do you have a favourite indie film?” “Err, Temple of Doom?”
Continue ReadingMy friend told me that th …
My friend told me that there’s going to be loads of races at Royal Ascot this week, but I’m pretty sure it will just be English and Arabs like usual.
Continue ReadingI should have never wishe …
I should have never wished for better hindsight.
Continue ReadingI saw OCDC once. They pla …
I saw OCDC once. They played all their hits in alphabetical order.
Continue ReadingI’ve never invented anyth …
I’ve never invented anything, except this broken calculator. Does that count?
Continue ReadingSky News : ‘Apple Will La …
Sky News : ‘Apple Will Launch iPad Mini by Christmas’. Is that not just an iPod touch?
Continue ReadingMy wife is leaving me bec …
My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with Star Wars and masturbation. I told her “Whatever, I’m going upstairs for a Han Solo with my Lightsaber.”
Continue ReadingYou know you are from a d …
You know you are from a deprived area when your school prom is being held in a Wetherspoons.
Continue ReadingAmazing, isn’t it? Of all …
Amazing, isn’t it? Of all the Chinese people on Chatroulette, I keep getting the same one over and over again.
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