I love to go window shopp …
I love to go window shopping at the weekend… Just picked up a nice double glazed one.
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Bad things always come in …
Bad things always come in threes. With the exception of The Cheeky Girls.
Continue Reading*EASY MONEY* Put a Ad in …
*EASY MONEY* Put a Ad in the local paper saying your a Driving Instructor.. Take the punters for a ride.
Continue ReadingI’ve just finished revamp …
I’ve just finished revamping my bedroom. Buffy made such a mess trying to slay me. Mind you, she can try again anyday.
Continue Reading“As a human being,you sho …
“As a human being,you should feel proud that you are top of the food chain.” Is what i said to myself as i got promoted at Macdonalds.
Continue ReadingI’m not saying my mates g …
I’m not saying my mates gullible, but I’ve just sold him Super Ted’s secret word for a hundred quid.
Continue ReadingA tip to all my fellow si …
A tip to all my fellow sickepedians. In the Achievements section of your CV it is ill advised to put your Sickipedia Score.
Continue ReadingI don’t get it, how can a …
I don’t get it, how can all these girls get away with ” Ooo I’d do bad things to One Direction”… Yet I get frowned upon when I say Maddie McCann would get it.
Continue ReadingMy ex wife said, “Your so …
My ex wife said, “Your son needs to have a father figure.” I said, “He’s already got one, look at the size of his belly.”
Continue ReadingA man in the street offer …
A man in the street offered me a used kite for free. I said, “What’s the catch?” He said, “There are no strings attatched.”
Continue ReadingSince the birth of my fir …
Since the birth of my first baby I’ve had endless sleepless nights… These new 24 drinking laws are great!
Continue ReadingMy friends all think I’m …
My friends all think I’m a genius because I studied at Yale… I can’t bear to tell them I’m a locksmith.
Continue ReadingWhenever I worry that I’v …
Whenever I worry that I’ve been wasting my life, I cheer myself up by remembering that I have never read a Twilight book.
Continue ReadingA rasher a day keeps the …
A rasher a day keeps the Muslims away.
Continue ReadingWhat do you get if you cr …
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo? Sacked from the zoo.
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