Kvetch – to complain habi …
Kvetch – to complain habitually. I’d have that written on my headstone, but they’d probably misspell it.
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My uncle slipped on some …
My uncle slipped on some beans last week. If only he had the benefit of Heinz sight.
Continue ReadingMy wife is putting on bla …
My wife is putting on black robes and a white collar… I think she’s getting revved up.
Continue ReadingTo celebrate 250 year of …
To celebrate 250 year of Guinness, the 24th of September is going to be called “Arthur Guinness Day.” I think I would prefer a whole pint.
Continue ReadingI used to live on the 13t …
I used to live on the 13th floor but have just moved up to the 14th floor But that’s another storey.
Continue ReadingA man walks into a librar …
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on band wagons. “Oh, everyone seems to be borrowing that one”
Continue ReadingPeople who drink on buses …
People who drink on buses will be barred from using them again. All very good in theory but eventually they’ll run out of drivers.
Continue ReadingSorry if you all couldn’t …
Sorry if you all couldn’t get onto the internet earlier: that was my fault. All I did was AskJeeves to Google Bing…
Continue ReadingI’m so awesome and I have …
I’m so awesome and I have lots of friends!! Just kidding, April Fools! Sigh…
Continue ReadingMy dollar-forging busines …
My dollar-forging business has failed. It made no cents.
Continue ReadingI was throwing rice at an …
I was throwing rice at an Indian wedding and accidentally started a pilau fight.
Continue ReadingMy wife said, “If you don …
My wife said, “If you don’t start taking drastic measures quick, you’ll find this relationship over.” So I put the fridge on the kitchen scales.
Continue ReadingI once knew a dwarf who w …
I once knew a dwarf who worked in the Police Force. His nickname was laptop. He was a small PC.
Continue ReadingWhen you bust open a pack …
When you bust open a packet of soothers suddenly everyone has a bad throat
Continue ReadingMy mum managed to beat Ca …
My mum managed to beat Cancer when I was born. She gave birth to me on July the 23rd, making me a Leo.
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