My wife just asked me for …
My wife just asked me for the remote. Stupid cow, she knows we don’t have a remote for the cooker
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I was going to build a ho …
I was going to build a house out of straw… but then I bricked it.
Continue ReadingI took a bricklayer’s cou …
I took a bricklayer’s course today. He chased me down the street wanting it back.
Continue ReadingI got into a fight on a s …
I got into a fight on a ski slope. It started with a push and then things just snowballed.
Continue ReadingThere’s a big problem wit …
There’s a big problem with morbid obesity
Continue ReadingWhen I got back to work a …
When I got back to work after two weeks off with a broken leg, my boss told me that the head of human resources had requested a sick note, so I wrote to him saying that I like fingering dead babies.
Continue ReadingWhat’s got 4 legs and goe …
What’s got 4 legs and goes “boo”? A cow with a cold.
Continue ReadingI’ve been awarded an hono …
I’ve been awarded an honorary degree. I’m now the proud owner of 68 Fahrenheit.
Continue ReadingI was over the moon when …
I was over the moon when I got a new job as a supervisor. It’s not quite worked out as well as I’d hoped. All I have to do is keep the sun out of my boss’s eyes while wearing a cape.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been learning a …
I’ve just been learning about Newton’s law of universal gravitation and it really bought me back down to Earth.
Continue ReadingI really liked it when my …
I really liked it when my girlfriend started smoking The salmon tastes so much better
Continue ReadingThe barman says, “We don’ …
The barman says, “We don’t serve time travellers in here.” A time traveller walks into a bar.
Continue ReadingWant to make a simple pho …
Want to make a simple phone call? Sorry, there isnt an app for that.
Continue ReadingWhilst watching the pictu …
Whilst watching the pictures of the starving African kids on Sport Relief the other night, I was choked. No not emotionally, I was halfway through the contents of a KFC bargain bucket, when a chicken bone got stuck.
Continue ReadingI was late for work this …
I was late for work this morning, then my boss said, “You’d better have a good excuse as to why you are late this morning.” I said, “Well I had a dream that I was playing football.” He said, “And then?” I replied, “Then it went on to extra time.”
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