I took a month off work to go travelling across America. Before I left my boss said “Now I don’t want you to worry about your job whilst you’re away…” I said, “Thanks Boss.” “Which is why I’m firing you now.” he added.
Continue ReadingAfter seeing the Rossetta Stone TV ad about learning a new language I thought I would give it a go, knowing I could return it in 6 months if it didn’t work. After a while I rang them and demanded a refund, explaining how it isn’t working and that I spend hours every day trying […]
Continue ReadingI just came back from a Blur concert. I didn’t see much.
Continue ReadingAmerican food giant buys Cadburys. This isn’t in the financial news. Just an observation on a normal day for an American tourist.
Continue ReadingI cut up a BMW driver today. It’s ruined my bread knife though.
Continue ReadingLondon 2012: Because terrorists need provoking.
Continue ReadingHosepipe ban for households. Watercannons likely to be used by police. All welcome to join the protest on my front lawn.
Continue ReadingIf the next Dr Who is female, will she be Dr Whoover?
Continue ReadingI can’t understand why no parents would let their kids join my string quartet Things are looking bleak for my group The Kiddy Fiddlers
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference between a Leeds girl and an elephant? Two stone. How do you make them the same? Give the elephant a sandbag.
Continue ReadingJust after I saw a magpie outside, Antonio Banderas burst into my room wearing a mask and cape. Well, you know what they say: One for Zorro.
Continue ReadingHave you ever searched for ONE FACT on Wikipedia and then two hours later you realise that you know everything about the Soviet Union?
Continue ReadingI believe in life after death. My wife’s just died and my life’s just beginning.
Continue ReadingMy wife said I’m, “awfully pedantic” the other day. “The ‘awfully’ part isn’t really necessary”, I said.
Continue ReadingI bought a book of baby names today. Only read a few pages, but so far my favorites are ISBN 938-0325-57613 for a girl, and Copyright 2009 for a boy.
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