A fund raiser knocked on …
A fund raiser knocked on my door asking for money for sufferers of the Ugandan nodding disease. As a victim myself, I couldn’t say no.
Continue ReadingIf you ever have trouble …
If you ever have trouble opening a bottle of champagne, my advice, hit it with a ship. I’ve seen people do that, it works!
Continue ReadingA good joke on sickipedia …
A good joke on sickipedia is like a well stocked pantry in Ethiopia – hard to come by and then when people see it, they try to nick it for themselves.
Continue ReadingI’ve invested all my life …
I’ve invested all my life savings in a new sat nav product. We’ll see where it gets me.
Continue ReadingMy gran always says that …
My gran always says that in the old days she could pop down to the local shops and leave her doors open. After four dead pedestrians they took her driving licence.
Continue ReadingUSA and Britain have fina …
USA and Britain have finally apologised for their part in the slave trade in the 18th and 19th centuries, and so they should. But in the spirit of going forward, shouldn’t certain African tribes apologise for cooking vicars in enormous metal cauldrons and stealing their top hats?
Continue ReadingI was woken up this morni …
I was woken up this morning by the neighbours little boy kicking a football against the wall. I told him to stop that and come back to bed.
Continue ReadingI bought a Boa Constricto …
I bought a Boa Constrictor and it’s really taken to my wife… Got a real crush on her.
Continue ReadingBlackbuster – Bringing ot …
Blackbuster – Bringing other people’s entertainment home.
Continue ReadingDont do anything you are …
Dont do anything you are not prepared to explain to a paramedic.
Continue ReadingI got a doctors examinati …
I got a doctors examination the other day and he wanted to test my flexibility. He asked if I was available next Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
Continue ReadingI made a mistake at work …
I made a mistake at work today. I was supposed to be performing brain surgery, but instead I performed a blood transfusion. So all my efforts were in vein.
Continue ReadingI was sacked today for ty …
I was sacked today for tying the boss up .. Apparently that’s not what gaffer tape is used for
Continue ReadingHelium walks into a bar t …
Helium walks into a bar there’s a bit of an atmosphere, Helium rises above it.
Continue ReadingI’m currently working as …
I’m currently working as a computer games tester making 50 pounds a week! By that, I mean I’m on the dole…and I play a lot of Xbox.
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