I wrote a book about nois …
I wrote a book about noise. You’ve probably heard about it.
Continue Reading‘coming to a cinema near …
‘coming to a cinema near you’ how do they know where i live?!
Continue ReadingIt once took me three day …
It once took me three days to read a book. And three cops to remove me from the library.
Continue ReadingI walked three mile to pl …
I walked three mile to play a joke on someone today… Maybe I do take jokes too far.
Continue ReadingI don’t think there will …
I don’t think there will ever be an edible version of scrabble. Having said that, someone will probably go away now and make me eat my words.
Continue ReadingDue to mankind’s abuse of …
Due to mankind’s abuse of the environment, the whale has now beome an endangered species. However, YOU can help. For just 2 a month, you can a adopt a whale and ensure they don’t die out. To donate and help save the whales just ring me and ask for my wife.
Continue ReadingI used to work in a court …
I used to work in a court and see a manner of disgusting people come in. But, it’s their decision what path to take in life and I’m not one to judge. That’s possibly why I don’t work in a court any more.
Continue ReadingIs it just me, or does th …
Is it just me, or does the library have an unnecessarily rude librarian working there?
Continue ReadingI was walking out of the …
I was walking out of the local Newsagents this morning when something fell from the wall and knocked me out cold. Must be some kind of sign.
Continue ReadingI refuse to work in a coa …
I refuse to work in a coal mine… It’s beneath me.
Continue ReadingIf a girl is on her perio …
If a girl is on her period, it lends a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘blood, sweat and tears’.
Continue ReadingWas anybody else disappoi …
Was anybody else disappointed that the boy wasn’t in the airship?
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend dumped me f …
My girlfriend dumped me for being too immature. I said, “Is it because of my Toy Story underwear?” She said, “Yes, and please stop calling it underwear. They’re nappies.”
Continue ReadingI’ve just invented a time …
I’ve just invented a time machine and I’m using it to steal money from everybody in the past. It’s part of my campaign to make history poverty.
Continue ReadingMy next songs gonna be a …
My next songs gonna be a big hit in the clubs, its all about swing… Its called pitching wedge
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