All female athletes racin …
All female athletes racing in London 2012 have been given free Sat Navs So they can find the finish line
Continue ReadingMy Dad’s a Traffic Warden …
My Dad’s a Traffic Warden. For my birthday he gave me a “Stop” sign, a wheel clamp and a red traffic light. I asked for a stationery set.
Continue ReadingWith a slight hesitation, …
With a slight hesitation, I nervously inserted a finger: it felt warm and wet. She groaned. “I’m gonna need more than that,” she said. Taking a breath, I then inserted three more fingers. Her eyes widened. “Go on, put your whole hand in,” she demanded. I wanted to please her, so I did what she […]
Continue ReadingI bought the wife a neckl …
I bought the wife a necklace from H Samuel but it’s faulty. I checked online about their returns procedure. The link’s broken.
Continue ReadingI took a photo of the thi …
I took a photo of the thing I use to play my guitar. It was a lovely pic.
Continue ReadingMy father died in a terri …
My father died in a terrible car accident. He was driving a Reliant Robin.
Continue ReadingI feel the question of wh …
I feel the question of whether prisoners should be allowed mobile phones or not is all down to context.
Continue ReadingWriting a good joke is ve …
Writing a good joke is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Some people will just never achieve it.
Continue ReadingWe buried my mother-in-la …
We buried my mother-in-law today. As the coffin lowered into the ground I stepped forward and said a little prayer. “Thank you God”.
Continue ReadingWhy do Giraffes have long …
Why do Giraffes have long necks? Because their heads are so far away from their bodies.
Continue ReadingI used to go out with a g …
I used to go out with a girl called Penny She was a copper
Continue ReadingThere was a demonstration …
There was a demonstration by homeless people in town today. They were demanding change.
Continue ReadingThe mutilated bodies of a …
The mutilated bodies of a boy band have been found today dumped at a Scottish beauty spot. Man charged with Mcfly tipping.
Continue ReadingMy phone autocorrected ki …
My phone autocorrected killed to kilt. Well plaid, phone. Well plaid.
Continue ReadingI told my psychiatrist th …
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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