As a london police office …
As a london police officer, If I see anybody dealing or taking drugs in a public place I’ll nick em. Saves me having to pay for them I suppose.
Continue ReadingDid you know, the average …
Did you know, the average person has one fallopian tube.
Continue ReadingWhats the difference betw …
Whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon? Ones fun to squash with a hammer and the other is a fruit.
Continue ReadingI went on the Kia website …
I went on the Kia website and it had a link to, “Find a dealer”. I’m pleased to see that it’s not just me that has a healthy lack of respect for drug-driving laws.
Continue ReadingWhen ever I eat out at Mc …
When ever I eat out at McDonald’s, I like to have a Happy Meal… So I leave the wife and kids at home.
Continue ReadingHate ruining shoes, It’s …
Hate ruining shoes, It’s sole destroying.
Continue ReadingA couple of lads tried to …
A couple of lads tried to get into my car last night so I attacked them with a baseball bat. I’m not cut out to be a taxi driver.
Continue ReadingYesterday my wife asked m …
Yesterday my wife asked me to make her a sandwich. I laughed so hard and split a rib. One of hers.
Continue ReadingI got arrested for making …
I got arrested for making a lot of counterfeit money in the 70’s and 80’s. In hindsight I should probably have stuck to existing denominations.
Continue Readingblackberry users wont get …
blackberry users wont get this joke.
Continue ReadingI was really annoyed toda …
I was really annoyed today when I was walking the two dogs and nearly got trampled by a herd of cows. Although, to be fair, the wife and the daughter really don’t like to be referred to in that way. … Nor do their friends.
Continue ReadingI’ve forgotten the name o …
I’ve forgotten the name of my homing pigeon.. But I’m sure it will come back to me.
Continue ReadingThere was a man wearing a …
There was a man wearing a rosette walking round the town centre today with a big sign saying “Now is the time for change”. He looked like a right cheeky beggar.
Continue ReadingI was watching the first …
I was watching the first pilot episode of the Simpsons the other day, And i couldn’t help but think that they used to be a right bunch of sketchy characters.
Continue ReadingPlaying Frisbee with a fi …
Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee
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