I got sick of my boss’s a …
I got sick of my boss’s always saying, “Hey, we don’t pay you to sit there all day chatting.” So now I work in a call centre.
Continue ReadingSo Carlton Cole has been …
So Carlton Cole has been charged with improper conduct over a status update! Sad to see really, The F.A. clearly don’t respect the rules of frape!
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend asked me to …
My girlfriend asked me to say something dirty to her in bed the other night. Apparently “make like my fungal infection and spread” isn’t what she had in mind.
Continue ReadingI’m constantly on instant …
I’m constantly on instant messenger, chat rooms and facebook, and because of this my girlfriend says I’m unable to show emotion. I was surprised, so I pulled this face :-O
Continue ReadingMy wife puts out literall …
My wife puts out literally all the time. It’s only three points, I always win at Scabble.
Continue Readingputting a turtle neck jum …
putting a turtle neck jumper on a bald person so he looks like a roll-on deodorant.
Continue ReadingLife is more thrilling wh …
Life is more thrilling when you’re out there living it. I read that somewhere.
Continue ReadingMy friend confided in me …
My friend confided in me that he has been freaking out about the stability of his house.. I told him it’s just a phase, it will blow over.
Continue ReadingMy mate has just got a jo …
My mate has just got a job as a lifeguard at the local swimming baths. I love having friends in high places.
Continue ReadingMy Grandfather has to buy …
My Grandfather has to buy a bottle of dark rum every night at the same time. We think he might have o.v.d
Continue Reading“Do you come here often?” …
“Do you come here often?” asked the woman in the sperm clinic.
Continue ReadingStupid morons arresting m …
Stupid morons arresting me for the sign saying, ‘No Flash Photography’. They didn’t even want to listen that I was just stood still. I’d normally do a star jump, forward roll and take the photo with the camera behind my back.
Continue ReadingI tried to take a photo o …
I tried to take a photo of myself dressed up in a Tyrannosaurus Rex costume. It was useless. The shot kept coming out of just my chin.
Continue ReadingI had to tell my wife i r …
I had to tell my wife i ran over next doors cat earlier and felt guilty as they were having dinner with us. ”What if they find out?” she asked. ”They wont im sure of it” ”how are you certain?” ‘The proof is in the pudding”
Continue ReadingI took part in a cannibal …
I took part in a cannibal cookery contest yestery and was trouncing the opposition. In fact, I was steaming a head.
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