I’m a getaway driver. I d …
I’m a getaway driver. I drive the coach to the airport.
Continue ReadingI’ve just clipped a parro …
I’ve just clipped a parrots wing. I’m not bothered though, I got his autograph when exchanging insurance details.
Continue ReadingI’ve been watching a TV s …
I’ve been watching a TV series about how fish live their lives…. I’m totally hooked.
Continue ReadingPetshops – Can you retur …
Petshops – Can you return a carrier pigeon?
Continue ReadingIf there’s one thing I ca …
If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s unicycles
Continue ReadingSteal from pessimists, th …
Steal from pessimists, they’ll never bother with the police.
Continue ReadingUndercover boss: So you’r …
Undercover boss: So you’re a pimp then?
Continue ReadingApparently, baby robins e …
Apparently, baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms every day. Do worms have feet then?
Continue ReadingI like to tell people i’m …
I like to tell people i’m a big shot and that i’ve got my own private jet. What i don’t tell them is that my mum owns the rest of the hot tub.
Continue ReadingWe were about to leave fo …
We were about to leave for high street and my girlfriend asked….”looks like summer is here. what should i wear to look smart?”….. “face mask” wasnt the answer she was looking for
Continue ReadingHelpful hint #1 When arra …
Helpful hint #1 When arranging to meet a girl from the internet, who “spreads ’em easily”…. Make sure she doesn’t mean diseases.
Continue ReadingMy Girlfriend and I were …
My Girlfriend and I were watching television earlier when she said to me, “Don’t you think it’s unfair that when a man sleeps with many women he’s called a stud… but when a woman sleeps around with a lot of men she’s called a slag?” After five seconds or so of silence she said to […]
Continue ReadingIf Akmal Shaikh ‘died a h …
If Akmal Shaikh ‘died a hero’, does that make his wife a Heroine?
Continue ReadingA friend hooked me up wit …
A friend hooked me up with a blind date last night. I was waiting outside the station, and decided to give the woman I was meeting a call. “Hey, where are you?” I asked. “Just coming out of the station now.” she replied. “Oh, you can probably see me, I’m wearing a blue T-shirt.” I […]
Continue ReadingNow I lay me down to slee …
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep; if I die before I wake will someone please delete my internet browser history.
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