I became a member of the …
I became a member of the Secret Seven. It was so secret, I didn’t know who the other six were.
Continue ReadingMy mum always told me to …
My mum always told me to alert authorities if a stranger ever offers me a lift. The local police officers and bus drivers hate me.
Continue ReadingWhen Kate Middleton visit …
When Kate Middleton visited Liverpool, she was shown round a bar with no alcohol. She then moved on to see houses with no windows and cars with no wheels.
Continue ReadingI used to have a fear of …
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
Continue ReadingI had to go to yesterday’ …
I had to go to yesterday’s fancy dress party as Batman. I’d planned to go as Superman, but there was no S-cape.
Continue Reading79% of accidents happen i …
79% of accidents happen in the home. Finally, good news for the homeless.
Continue ReadingI’m so good at dreaming I …
I’m so good at dreaming I could do it in my sleep.
Continue ReadingI let milk get away with …
I let milk get away with so much. Im lactose tolerant.
Continue ReadingI submitted a thousand pa …
I submitted a thousand page essay today……….My jujitsu skills are getting better.
Continue ReadingA Red Cell and a White Ce …
A Red Cell and a White Cell are walking through Greater Manchester, when they come to a set of stairs. The White Cell doesn’t notice them, slips and tumbles to the bottom. He gets up, slightly dazed and stumbles around before falling back down to the ground. The Red Cell shouts down to him, “Are […]
Continue ReadingI was arrested for being …
I was arrested for being drunk and disorderly last night. As they put me into the cells, I started to kick off. “I’m allowed a free call. I want my call.” I slurred. “Quiet you.” called the duty sergeant. “All in good time.” “I know my rights, I want my call. You can’t stop me.” […]
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between Tango and Rohypnol? You know when you’ve been Tangoed.
Continue ReadingOn casual friday, I nearl …
On casual friday, I nearly lost my job for serious misconduct. I will change my drag name next week to seriously Miss Understood.
Continue ReadingI went to visit my parent …
I went to visit my parents today for the first time in a while. “How’s it going, Mum?” I asked. “Couldn’t be better,” she said. “And this may come as quite a shock to you, but we’re having a baby.” “That is quite a shock,” I replied. “But if Dad’s fine, I’m up for it.”
Continue ReadingI’m so much better at sta …
I’m so much better at starting things than finishing them. That said,
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