He grabbed me around my slender neck I could not call or scream. He dragged me to my dingy room where we could not be seen. He tore away my flimsy wrap and gazed upon my form. I was so cold and damp and scared while he was dry and warm. He pressed his feverish […]
Continue ReadingI’m going to invent a saying about yoghurts. Well, more of a fromage phrase.
Continue ReadingI was watching BBC NEWS this morning and one of the main headlines was how the Olympic flag has reached Brazil for preparation of the 2016 Olympics. As the Team GB athletes stood on the steps of the plane, I thought to myself… “We all have so much honor for our home nation!” The plane […]
Continue ReadingI once fingered my daughter to the police. I think it was every breath you take.
Continue ReadingAfter feeling a little depressed lately, I decided to treat myself to the new Jay-Z endorsed back-scratcher. I’ve got 99 problems but an itch ain’t one.
Continue ReadingI had a call today saying my son’s purple motorbike had been involved in a fatal collision. I knew it was absolute rubbish; my son rides violet coloured motorbike.
Continue ReadingI just bought a waffle iron. I hate creased waffles.
Continue ReadingI was just reminiscing with my mates about when we all went to the clock museum. Good times!
Continue ReadingMy wife’s like a Toyota; when she starts, she never stops.
Continue ReadingAs my father was lying in his hospital bed, attached to a life support machine in pain and heartache he said to me: ”I can’t stand another day of this” ‘What do you mean? You’ll be able to cope” I painstakingly replied. ”I dont think I can go on, this is like torture!, Listen son, […]
Continue ReadingBBC Sport: Sharapova advances after Peng win Next thing you know, polar bears will be playing tennis.
Continue ReadingI’m going to call my new-born son “Names”, so that name-calling isn’t a problem when he’s older.
Continue ReadingNumerous reports of an organic yoghurt being thrown in Richmond.
Continue ReadingMy wife asked me if I thought we should have another baby. I said, “Slow down there love, the legs are still in the freezer. Let us finish this one first.”
Continue ReadingApparently, 32% of women believe it is possible to communicate with the dead. So don’t bother trying to kill yourself guys, she’ll still be rabbiting on …. !
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