QJOQ

I’ve finally found a career where I can hold my head up high. I’m an axe murderer.

A buddy and I were walking through Afghanistan recently, when he was tragically blown up by what looked to be a phone handset. Officials are worried it might be a land line.

When doing a stretch in prison,make sure it’s not your hamstrings in the showers.

Me and my mate got on the train yesterday and couldn’t find our seats. The conductor came over and asked: “Have you any reservations?” I said “No, I love going on the train”

I went for anger management therapy the other day and met a guy in the waiting room. I asked him what he was there for. He said, “Anger management.” I said, “Snap!” So he punched me.

The wife shouted at me yesterday because all I had done was moped around the house all day. The smell of petrol had stank out the dining room and I had smashed her favourite vase.

As a hotel inspector, I looked at 7 rooms today before I found one of a decent standard. It certainly makes one ruminate.

I like to think I learn from my mistakes. Last night is a perfect example. My son and daughter showed me how to operate my new DVD player.

Running marathons is no jog in the park, but there are methods and practices that can help you in the long run.

Easyjet. Because the air hostesses like to be boarded from the rear.