Has anyone else wondered …
Has anyone else wondered what girls do when they are home alone?
Continue ReadingI’ve just started a band …
I’ve just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven’t done a gig yet.
Continue ReadingMan walks into a library …
Man walks into a library and asks for a book on ice-cream. Librarian says, “Which one? We’ve got hundreds and thousands.”
Continue ReadingI don’t understand why ev …
I don’t understand why everyone seems to blame me for the death of that sword swallower- he told us not to touch him during his act, he never said anything about waving a magnet in front of his neck.
Continue ReadingI have an excellent sleep …
I have an excellent sleeping pattern. But then again, I do knit my own pyjamas.
Continue ReadingMy wife said “Why can’t y …
My wife said “Why can’t you ever accept responsibility?” I replied ” It’s not my fault I’m like that”.
Continue ReadingI have been cheating on m …
I have been cheating on my wife for years and last night my girlfriend spilt the beans. It wasn’t a problem, they are only 40p a tin.
Continue ReadingMe and my wife were argui …
Me and my wife were arguing over who got to eat the last gherkin…. What a pickle….
Continue ReadingI was on the net earlier. …
I was on the net earlier. I now have a life ban from my local Tennis Club.
Continue ReadingBBC News:Marvel Comics in …
BBC News:Marvel Comics introduces mixed-race Spider-Man. I wonder if his mother was a black widow?
Continue ReadingWhen I came back from Col …
When I came back from Colombia I got stopped by customs officials acting on a tip off that I was carrying cocaine. It was okay though, my girlfriend took the wrap.
Continue ReadingI went to the opticians t …
I went to the opticians today. It was a real eye opening experience.
Continue ReadingI’ve been feeding my chic …
I’ve been feeding my chickens sausages and breadcrumbs for the last few days. I can’t wait until they start laying scotch eggs.
Continue ReadingThe person who cancels it …
The person who cancels it will be my American Idol.
Continue ReadingI told my friend I’m only …
I told my friend I’m only funny from a certain angle. He didn’t see the funny side.
Continue Reading