J.K. Rowlings new novel i …
J.K. Rowlings new novel is said to be the best fiction writing since George Osbournes Budget
Continue ReadingThe time will never be wr …
The time will never be wrong. Not on my watch.
Continue ReadingA bloke handed me a box o …
A bloke handed me a box of Jamaican hair the other day. Dreadful.
Continue ReadingI don’t know why they cal …
I don’t know why they call them ‘Drug Sniffing Dogs’. It’s usually more effective the other way around.
Continue ReadingThe ICC have issued an ar …
The ICC have issued an arrest warrant for Col. Gaddafi. This is in response to a rebel, who when asked by a reporter for his response to Gaddafi’s latest attacks, replied, “It just isn’t cricket”.
Continue ReadingTook a trip to the cutler …
Took a trip to the cutlery factory. Had a forkin’ good time.
Continue ReadingHad a fall out with the w …
Had a fall out with the wife last night…Serves me right for forcing the tube doors open between stations.
Continue ReadingWhat’s brown, furry and w …
What’s brown, furry and wet? A drizzly bear.
Continue ReadingMy maths exam had the mos …
My maths exam had the most bizarre thing in it, it said: “The following number is even… 5.” I thought, “That’s odd.”
Continue Readingi just opened the FHM i b …
i just opened the FHM i bought earlier to find that it came with its own free pocket sized Kleenex tissues inside!!… What kind of person do they take me for!! I dont even have a cold
Continue ReadingI maintain a house attach …
I maintain a house attached to one other house. I love telling people that I’m nursing a semi.
Continue ReadingMy wife kept telling me I …
My wife kept telling me I should show my son a bit more affection. So now I pat it on the head when I get home from work.
Continue ReadingI couldn’t get to sleep l …
I couldn’t get to sleep last night. There were loud noises outside, and I kept tossing and turning, but I just couldn’t get comfortable, I was hot, then freezing, then itchy, it was unbearable. Then I thought of the children in Haiti who have been forced to sleep on what’s left of their streets.. And […]
Continue ReadingI stabbed someone with a …
I stabbed someone with a blunt pencil today. It was an act of pointless violence.
Continue ReadingBorders have gone into ad …
Borders have gone into administration. The administrator expects it to take some time to go through the company’s books…
Continue Reading