It’s stupid isn’t it how …
It’s stupid isn’t it how Holocaust is a subcategory for In The News. Unless you’re watching Dave, where it’s breaking news.
Continue ReadingI need to master the art …
I need to master the art of patience……..quickly
Continue ReadingThere are 2 types of peop …
There are 2 types of people in the world: those who finish what they started,
Continue Reading“You’ve got odd socks on. …
“You’ve got odd socks on.” “No, I’m wearing two.”
Continue ReadingPhew, that’s a relief The …
Phew, that’s a relief The timer almost ran out on my chance to win a free laptop. It’s like they know that my current one keeps collecting viruses…
Continue ReadingI’ve just opened an off l …
I’ve just opened an off licence. Technically, it’s breaking and entering but I needed a drink.
Continue ReadingIn the Government’s new m …
In the Government’s new move to offer free sports equipment to schools in deprived areas, I beg the Prime Minister to avoid baseball, archery and shooting.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between a sniper with Parkinson’s and a constipated owl? One can shoot but can’t hit.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend claims that …
My girlfriend claims that I haven’t taken a wash in 6 days. I’ll shower.
Continue ReadingWhy did the kitten cross …
Why did the kitten cross the road? Because my football’s got a puncture.
Continue ReadingI saw a psychic yesterday …
I saw a psychic yesterday and managed to cross over to the other side. There is no way that conman was getting the chance to take me in.
Continue ReadingMy wife left me for being …
My wife left me for being childish so I’ve decided to turn my life around. efil ym.
Continue ReadingA pretty woman at the job …
A pretty woman at the job centre said she’d like to offer me a tug job. So I dropped my pants there and then which subsequently got me arrested. Apparently tugs are also types of boats.
Continue ReadingWhy is on the same as off …
Why is on the same as off? I don’t get either with my wife any more.
Continue ReadingSome people call me a rel …
Some people call me a reluctant consumer, but I don’t buy it.
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