12 injured in an explosio …
12 injured in an explosion at a Sodium Chloride factory. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound.
Continue ReadingI attended a fund-raising …
I attended a fund-raising banquet for diabetic Kurdish refugees and was hugely disappointed not to find any Turkish Delight.
Continue ReadingDoing nothing is very har …
Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you are finished.
Continue ReadingWhy was Henry VIII beard …
Why was Henry VIII beard always covered in blood? Tudor period.
Continue ReadingI just heard that scienti …
I just heard that scientists have discovered that ecstacy could cure cancer. Well done science. Now just prove that cocaine cures a cold, alcohol improves driving ability and Rohypnol is a just a harmless natural aphrodisiac that helps women make great decisions. That would be great and should get me out of prison.
Continue ReadingI’ll never forget my Moth …
I’ll never forget my Mother’s last words….I wrote them down somewhere.
Continue ReadingI find oxymorons can be v …
I find oxymorons can be very bittersweet.
Continue ReadingMy wife has been worried …
My wife has been worried about the corn she found on her foot. Which makes me slightly suspicious about the footprint in my dinner last night.
Continue ReadingI was eating a packet of …
I was eating a packet of Walker’s crisps the other day: Stephen Fry’s Fry Up flavour. The first crisp tasted just like sausages, the second tasted exactly like eggs with tomato ketchup, but what did the third crisp taste of? Trick question: of course there was no third crisp.
Continue ReadingAuctioneers are proof tha …
Auctioneers are proof that white people could rap if they tried hard enough.
Continue ReadingSo in which prison is the …
So in which prison is the Sickipedia stand up comedy night?
Continue Reading“I’m not a taxi service!” …
“I’m not a taxi service!” Yeah I know, and that’s why I’m not paying you.
Continue ReadingWeeds are starting to tak …
Weeds are starting to take over my garden. It’s a growing problem.
Continue ReadingMy wifes weight may have …
My wifes weight may have ballooned to 28 stone since she had kids, but I still loved her and she meant the world to me. Sadly she suffered a fatal heart attack last week while she was performing a reverse cowboy. I was crushed.
Continue ReadingI told a local DJ that I …
I told a local DJ that I had a large amount of rare vinyl. “Is there any chance that I could come round and have a look?” he asked. He didn’t look too impressed when I showed him my collection of flooring.
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